There is so little left once we die and the memory of us gets lost in time. My current work is based around a suitcase full of old diaries found in the outhouse of a property bought by a friend from a deceased person's estate. I wondered who the writer was, why she obsessively recorded the details of her everyday life over 30 years and what memory there was left of her.
Found in an outhouse: a suitcase full of old diaries
Reading the diaries seems intrusive yet may be all that remains. Among the daily entries regarding weather, shopping, household chores and health are symbols and codes suggesting events or encounters to be known and remembered only by the author. Through my work I wanted to respond to her existence; to acknowledge that she lived.
I began by transposing fragments of diary text and symbols onto pages from books written by someone who seemed to be an important part of her life. In the overlaying of the academic texts that one of them was working on with the daily recording of everyday life by the other, it evokes what was happening in their lives together. Whilst in some ways it seemed wrong to destroy the book in order to create something else, that too seemed to have significance in the context of her life.
I also incorporated markings from old newspapers found under the carpet in the same house. Dating back about 70 years, these papers bore lines and holes; signs of wear and the weight of the years.
I believe we create our own paths, our lives affected by the decisions we make, so was intrigued by the trust the diary writer put in fortune tellers' predictions. The symbolism of reading palms and tea-leaves is interesting, whether or not one believes in it. Lines on hands representing the future have connotations of journeys, meeting points, routes and relationships. Random tea-leaf patterns are reminiscent of map markings which in turn evoke travelling and a sense of place.
Some interesting aspects were developing in my work, particularly in the symbolism, but I wanted to create more of a sense of the layers of history and weathering, of marks being left and memories fading. In Helped me tend, and Will go (below) I copied extracts from the diaries, creating a background of writing. Whilst laborious, it seemed to emulate the obsessive recording of mundane facts day after day. I then overlaid washes and marks using watercolours, pencils, pastels, crayons, wax and collage, gradually obscuring the writing beneath; connoting memories of people gradually disappearing and leaving traces that we hardly see today.
Helped me tend
Will Go
In both of the above pieces and the one below, I introduced aspects of burial places and memorials, the 'inscriptions' being fragmentary diary excerpts of daily life. Whatever background and experience, desires and regrets we have, in the end we die and our bodies return to the earth. I unexpectedly found the writer's burial place when looking for a grave she referred to in her diaries. Second row from the left (below) was based on this finding. In the left hand image, the work seemed unfinished and I decided to continue to work on it. After overlaying further marks and washes, creating more muted tones, I then added the very bold black charcoal lines. Making these marks passionately and definitely seemed to add something very certain to what seemed to be fading into the past.
Among the items that were passed on to me was a small, old but unused canvas, the frame slightly warped. From other sources I acquired discarded off-cuts of wood and a couple of old primed but unused and unwanted boards. Initially I used these as a way to break away from the boundaries and surfaces on which I had been previously been painting and drawing but as I did so I felt a further sense of connections with people who I did not know; I was creating something from a part of someone else's life.
Everything would be
Things may happen
Things may happen (left) and Everything would be (right)
My titles are by no means descriptive or explanatory. I have used words and phrases taken from the diaries to invite the viewer to question, explore and respond.
When she was
To go further
I am constantly touched by the remnants of others' lives and continue to work with these sources, themes and exploration of media.